Father's Day.

Father's Day is coming up this Sunday.  I'm always torn on Father's Day. My father is alive, somewhere. I know who he is, I even lived with him for a couple of years. As far as I know I am his oldest child.  Outside of living with him for the almost two years that I did, he never had much to do with my brother and I.  He has two other daughters, younger than my brother and I. He was in their life until adult hood. I think largely due to the fact that he lived in the same town as them, and the girls' mother was involved with him being a part of their lives even though the my father and her were no longer together.

At church there is always some kind of honoring your father thing.  I usually don't participate. I get choked up. Every other day of the year, my birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, I'm not bothered much by the fact that I can't tell you where he lives or who he is now.  I last spoke with him in 2008 when we bought our home. Gave him our new address and phone number. I was hopeful to have some kind of relationship with him. After all every 5 or 6 years we'd have some sort of contact. After the last time I saw him, I thought there was a chance.

I have no reason to want a relationship with him as far as the kind of man he is. I just have wanted it because it's the normal thing to have. I see people missing the father's that have past, wishing their Dad's Happy Father's Day every year, so on and so forth. Sometimes it makes me feel I'm missing out, you know?

They say women tend to marry men that are like their fathers.  Well, since I didn't have a consistent one in my life, I had no clue what a man and father should be.  I lucked out. I've been married for almost 17 years. He is very involved with our children, and is 100% my team mate in the game of parenting.  So on Father's Day, I honor my husband.

I also honor my Heavenly Father. My God has been with me always, even when I've felt alone.  Even when I doubted his existence,  I'd cry out to him in my darkest moments, praying he would make things better.

He gave me my husband. He gave me the father of my children. My children know him, they love him, they fear him, and they respect him.  I suppose I really didn't need a father figure of this world to show me what a father should be.  I didn't earn my husband, I was blessed with him. We could have been a statistic of a broken home, especially since we both grew up in one. However, because of the man he is and the woman I have become, our children aren't suffering that fate.

Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there. If you're like me with the earthly father like I had, hold on tight to the father in your life, be it earthly or Heavenly. He's there for a reason.

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